Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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