At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
