I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
