I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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