He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
