Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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