anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
