You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
