I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
