why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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