Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
