i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
