why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
pop tarts are not kleenex
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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