I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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