i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
being pregnant is like rehab
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
