apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
