I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
