don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
