I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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