you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize