We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
