i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the day after is always just damage control
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
