My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
