how can u be prego again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
