Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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