so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
