OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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