i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
