What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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