he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
