Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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