I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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