the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
