My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
