Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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