There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
