I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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