You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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