Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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