I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
