proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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