I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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