Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
