i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
