Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
