I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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