So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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