why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
