Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
