"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
