Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
