we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
