why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
