do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
