I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
