Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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