Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
