yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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