the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
