He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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