Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i will never coherently bang her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
