I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
