we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
