I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
