sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
its liver damage thursday
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
