i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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