please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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