I cockslap morals
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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