I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
