Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
