I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
