Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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