At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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