Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
